Dear Liz
You are very knowledgeable about HR and leadership and I read your columns but I don't understand one thing you often say. You tell managers to be human and I get that, but you also tell them to thank their employees for just doing their jobs. That seems crazy. Who expects or needs to be thanked for doing what they're paid to do?
I don't stop in the middle of the intersection and thank the traffic cop for directing traffic. I thank people who help me out when they're not getting paid for it, like my neighbor who brings me the extra tomatoes from his garden a couple of times every summer.
I don't expect my boss to thank me for coming to work. I don't think it's my job to thank my employees for doing what they were hired to do. Isn't the paycheck enough? Why should I thank my employees, too?
Thank you, Liz, for sharing your thoughts on this issue.
Carl
Dear Carl,
I understand where you are coming from. You work hard and you probably have a lot on your shoulders. It isn't easy being a manager. There is a lot of stress and aggravation that goes with the job.
As you say, nobody is coming up to you and thanking you for doing your job. I'm sure you work hard. Nobody gets enough acknowledgement. You are absolutely correct, Carl.
You are coming from a place that many if not most people have occupied at some point, a place where some people have spent all of their adult lives. It is the place where right is right and wrong is wrong and agreements are set in stone and people are expected to do what's expected of them. It is the place where contracts are made and obligations are articulated.
Lawyers live in that black-and-white, transactional world, at least when they are working. Not all of them like it. Since I became an HR person in 1984 I have known over a dozen lawyers who have left the world of law. Some of them became mediators. One became a pastor.
They got tired of the land of huffiness and affront and "You're at fault!" -- "No, you are!"
I call that place Indig Nation.
They got tired of supporting their clients in fighting stupid ego battles just so those clients could eventually say "The judge said I was right!"
I invite you to step out of the black and white, "I don't have to and nobody can make me!" world you occupy now to take a step into the world of trust. I think you are more than ready to step up to a higher altitude, and I think that's why you wrote to me!
I have been speaking in public for twenty-five years. For many of those years, I would get on stage and see a crowd of happy and expectant faces and one person standing or sitting in the back row, arms folded, defensive and scowling before I even started speaking.
From the stage I have always tried to send heart energy to that person and to say to him or her in my mind "It's okay. We have all been in your shoes. It is hard to leave the world of fear and to trust a little bit.
"It takes courage. If you don't feel it right now, that's okay. Maybe you will feel the urge to take a step later."
That person in the back row always softened. Later we heard from them, almost every time. They took a step out of fear and into trust. You can do the same thing!
When you let your guard down just an inch and allow yourself to trust in the good energy in your department, you won't feel so bruised and defensive. You won't think about whether or not your employees deserve your thanks. You won't parcel out your kind words like dollars and cents.
You'll laugh when someone says something funny because you are human, and humans laugh at funny things naturally. You'll say in the moment, unguardedly, "Carla! I just heard from Susan Vasquez at First City Bank. She said you did a brilliant job on her proposal. Thank you!"
You're right, Carl -- you don't have to thank your employees. What would happen if you thanked them anyway, not because anyone is forcing you to or because the terms of their employment require it but because you are happy inside and want to share that happiness with everyone around you?
That is the future I want you to have, Carl, and the one I predict you will have. You know why I say that? I say it because you deserve it!
All the best,
Liz
Questions and Answers
Why would a manager like Carl be reluctant to thank his team members? It doesn't cost anything to say "Thank you!"Carl may feel that it does cost something to say "Thanks." Most of us have felt under-appreciated at some point. In those moments we may not feel like appreciating anyone else. Have you ever felt that way?
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